The terms grief and bereavement are sometime used interchangeably. Bereavement is a state of loss/being deprived of something. Grief is the reaction to the loss. Our mourning is the outward expression of grief.
Grief is a normal reaction to a loss. This may include the loss of a relationship or the death of a significant loved one. Grief is affected by many factors (for example, relationship with the deceased, time invested). Unfortunately, the older we get the more we will experience grief. Everyone copes with grief in their own way and own time (so be kind to yourself).
Our response to a significant loss (for example: job, financial, medical condition, loss from a natural disaster, loss of a relationship) may include feelings of intense sadness and constant thinking about the loss (that we find difficult to switch off). Loss can affect out appetite, sleep, weight and may resemble symptoms of low mood or depression.
These are different. Depressive or low mood symptoms are persistent and do not need to attach to any specific loss. Whereas grief, is tied to a loss – whether it is loss of a relationship, a loved one, a job, finances, business venture. With loss we have a preoccupation with thoughts and memories related to our loss, rather than pessimistic and self-critical thoughts that exist in depression and low mood.
According to Kubler-Ross (1969), there are five stages of grief:
In the first stage, as a first response to a loss, we may in denial of what has happened. This response acts as a defence mechanise, buffering us from the initial shock of the traumatic experience.
In the second stage, we may experience anger to the loss and distress. This may be easier to express than fear or anything else we may be feeling at the time. Our expression of resentment or anger may be directed to ourselves or others.
In the third stage, we perceive we can bargain our way from feeling the loss (grief) in a form of negotiation with ourselves or others. Some of our thoughts may include, “if only I ….”.
In the fourth stage, we have accepted the loss is real and has happened and we are experiencing depressive symptoms (specific to us). We may withdraw from the world and/or experience intense sadness.
In the final stage, we accept what has happened in the knowing we can no longer deny or change the situation. We accept life moves on and we carry the grief, knowing some days it will be heavier.
The above grief model suggests that we transition through these five stages when we are grieving. At Bonacci Practice we appreciate that everyone’s experience is different, and that grief is not a linear process from one stage to the next and that cultural differences play a part. Grief can be quite complicated for individuals, and that it is sometimes not possible to utilise current relationships or form new relationships to substitute for what has been lost.
There isn’t a definitive list of things that a person can do to treat grief as everyone’s experience with grief is unique, and there are contributing factors that vary greatly from person to person. It can be helpful to see a therapist who can provide you with skills and tools to manage your unique grief experience. At Bonacci Practice we can help you develop skills to deal with your grief.
If you would like to book an appointment get in touch with us on 0494 316 395 or fill in the form to the right.
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