Grief: A Psychological Healing Path

Grief and Loss

admin in News 6 May 2025

Mourning in our culture isn’t always easy. Normal thoughts and feelings connected to loss are typically seen as unnecessary and even shameful. Instead of encouraging mourners to express themselves, our culture’s unstated rules would have them avoid their hurt and ‘be strong.’ But grief is not a disease. Instead, it’s the normal, healthy process of embracing the mystery of the death of someone loved. If mourners see themselves as active participants in their healing, they will experience a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in life.
DR. ALAN WOL FELT

What is Grief?

Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something significant, often triggering a range of unexpected emotions, physical sensations, and behaviours. It can feel overwhelming but understanding that everyone experiences grief differently—and that there is no right or wrong way to process it—is an important step in coming to terms with these feelings.

It is also important to recognise that grief is not limited to the death of a loved one. We can experience it in response to many life changes, including:

Divorce, separation, or ending of a relationship
Significant life changes (e.g. entering adulthood, retirement, children leaving home)
Loss of a job
Loss of physical or psychological health, loss of independence (e.g. receiving a diagnosis, managing a chronic condition or chronic pain, permanent injury, disability)
Loss of identity
Lost sense of safety (e.g. following a traumatic experience)
Death of a loved one or pet
Stillbirth, miscarriage or abortion
Loss of a lifestyle (i.e. financial loss, losing or selling a home)
Anticipatory grief (e.g. anticipating one’s own death or that of a loved one) • Collective grief (e.g. tragedy, natural disaster, death of an important figure impacting a community)

Grief Reactions

Reactions vary, and different people grieve differently. These can include:

Feelings:

Behaviours:

Physical Sensations:

Spiritual:

Stages of Grief

The grieving process can encompass several stages, including shock, denial, anger, low mood, and acceptance. During grief, individuals experience a multitude of emotions that cannot be fully processed simultaneously. Consequently, even when one believes they have completed their grieving, certain triggers may elicit feelings of sadness, anger, depression, or anxiety related to the loss. When this occurs, it may be necessary to examine your feelings more closely to process them. Acknowledge your feelings and let them pass through you, understanding that they may not be as intense as when you first experienced your loss.

While the intensity and duration of these reactions differ for everyone, most people find that the first year is the most challenging. Over time, while the sadness remains, we gradually learn to establish a “new normal.” During difficult milestones such as anniversaries or birthdays, it is helpful to plan and remain patient and kind to yourself.

Grief and Depression

Notably, grief and depression can exhibit similar symptoms, such as withdrawal and sadness. However, a key distinction lies in the focus of these emotions: grief is centred around a specific loss, with its intensity varying depending on the context of that loss and triggers. In contrast, depression is more internalised, characterised by a pervasive low mood, pessimism, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, and a lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities, irrespective of any loss.

Strategies to Support Grief

To assist you in navigating this process of grief, we have outlined four strategies that can help you cope:

Expressing our grief

Talk with friends, family, therapists, support groups, or others who have experienced loss.

Activities like making art, listening to music that matches how we feel, and physical movement

Writing such as journaling or writing letters or poems about/to loved ones.

Rituals: personal reflection, funerals, cultural or spiritual practices

Connecting with supports

Allows us to share our grief experience with them so we feel less alone; people who experienced a similar loss or are in a similar situation to us.

Continuing bonds

Identifying practices that help us honour the continuing role of the loved one in our lives can bring a source of comfort and help us feel close to them. Here are some examples of how we can strengthen our bond with loved ones:

Living by their values, living life in a way they would be proud
Creating a special place in your home to honour the loss
Keeping something that belonged to them
Look to your loved one as a role model, imagine advice they would give you during tough times
Keeping photos of your loved one
Engage in a special ritual to honour the loss
Visiting places where you feel close to them • Include them in special events/holidays, continue tradition
Talking to your loved one, thinking about them, reflecting on time spent together

Slow Breathing

Breathing deeply and slowly helps reduce stress and tension in our body, while also providing a nice distraction for our mind as we focus on our breath. We can use the 3-2-5 rule:

First, sit or lie in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Take a big, deep breath in through your nose for about 3 seconds, feeling your abdomen expand.
Hold your breath for 2 seconds.
Exhale slowly and steadily through your mouth for about 5 seconds.
Repeat for at least 5 rounds.

Self-Care

Self-care is important when you’re grieving, but not always easy. For example, it’s easy to skip meals when you have no appetite or to omit exercise when you lack the energy. Everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. In the very least, focus on staying well by

Getting adequate sleep
Exercise
Eating a healthy meal
Staying hydrated / drinking adequate water

When to Seek Help

You may opt to seek support with grief events when you are unable to share or talk about your grief with others. Some key indicators that professional support may be beneficial include:

Severe emotional distress: If you are experiencing persistent feelings of guilt, anger, or emptiness.
Reduced functional capacity: Difficulty completing daily tasks, maintaining a routine, or caring for dependents.
Physical and behavioural changes: Severe insomnia, significant weight changes, or complete withdrawal from relationships and activities.
Prolonged duration: Intense grieving that does not lessen or allow for moments of contentment after 12 months.

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"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to."
ELIZABETH KÜBLER-ROSS

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